I am so done with this. I can't stop thinking about how much I am done with this. I am constantly being used. That is all I am good for. I can"t think of anyone, but my parents, that spend time with me because they really want to. I feel so alone. It doesn't seem to make sense that I continue, but I do anyways, for my parents sake. That is all. I am sitting here wearing my friend's shirt, because it smells like him and it makes me feel less lonely, but still sad none the less.
Here I am once again, by myself. As long as I am here for someone else's use, then it is fine I guess. I feel like there is much worse, but the dilemma lies in that when no one has any use for me, where does that leave me; by myself? It makes me look at the rafters in my living room and wonder how cold I would be hanging from them, and would it be less cold than what I feel now. Or it makes me look outside while it pours and it makes me realize lying in the rain would make me look crazy but would it wash away all my tears and that is something I look forward to; because right now I don't have any way of doing that. I can wipe it on Sam's shirt but that would still be me, wiping my own tears. I am so afraid, of everything, but especially of myself. That is something that is hard to live with.
