Love Bites.

Of course I knew that I liked him and then that slowly turned to love, which is a first for a very very long time. But now everything is different, I am in love with him, I would do anything. Tell me to go here, tell me to go there, and I would. That comedian always said that if you catch your woman looking at you it is because she is thinking about how did she get stuck with such and ugly boyfriend. I think about this alot when I look at my boyfriend now, because when I look at him it is like everything is right and how beautiful he is, but most of all I think about how lucky I am to have founs who I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.

When I really start to care about someone, in the most serious way, I have a tendency to think about what it would be like if that person died and when I think about him dying, I feel like I died right then, just a little bit. Have you ever felt like you died inside, even just in the slightest? It is like desperation surrounds your thoughts in a fog of uncertainty of what you would do in the realization that you now do not mind letting go to everything else.

I could not really think about how it would feel like, 'It's a Wonderful Life' explains alot, I mean even though it is completely biast in the promotion of christianity and christmas, I have to say Mr. Potter, reminds me of alot of people I really dislike, Crystal (pullings, the other one does not matter, everyone knows that :) ), Rona, and Alex. Only one aspect within his characterization within the movie describs these girls, which is ironic since Mr. Potter was is an old man. The part where Potter delibritaely hide the 5000$ from George Baily and his Uncle, to get what he has always wanted. It was one od the most coniving things I have ever seen. Mostly because he did not do it to make himself necessarily happy, he did it to win, and in affect the unhappiness of many would then be known.

Crystal, who does not actually bother me anymore, she is more of a lesson of what kind of person I dont want to be or hang around. Being friends for more than a few years, we liked each other right away, we were both obnoxious in the cute sense, of course, and we were constaly happy to make each other laugh at any cost. It helped that we were in the same classes and that we felt like we only had each other. Over the next few years we both tried to find who we wanted to hang around, I introduced her to the people I thought I wanted to be around and she did the same. I always knew she would do alot to be liked, but who wouldn't, however i thought this in a severly minimal sense, nothing to the lengths of throwing away someone and never looking back. Another Best friend of mine at the time was having trouble letting go of the same people Crystal was beginning to hang out with, the people I introduced her to. They actually tried to cut My best friend of from me, by telling me to never call her and to ignore her in school. Can you imagine anything so cruel. All so I could feel more of an in with them. It was not worth it to do that to someone I sooned learned, she completely died inside. I immediately learned my lesson and ceased hanging around such horrifying isolated influences. Crystal, however, decided, these were the people, these were the ones she would lose her virginity too, little did she decide to see was that they had no intrest in her and simply fed on drama, fun, and something to do or talk about, Crystal, growning up without any real freedoms, did not give that to them in any lengths. However Crystal, my best friend, and I, still hung out the most out of any one else. She was fun and funny to talk to because she was so awkward in so many social aspects. However as soon as her slight encounter and new found friend, Alex started to spread rumors (big shock huh?) about me in order to feel better about getting back with the guy who betrayed her, this group of people who Crystal adored fed on it, they could not believe that someone would do all of the things Alex said I did. Neither could I when some people in school told me what I had done. This was her in, this is where she could get in, they told her to do exactly what they told me to do with my best friend, but the fine line between us is that she actually did. She told me that she could not believe I did those things, believeing Alex over me, not even hearing me out. She even used my phone to talk to Alex and to console her, I let her never believeing she would go ahead and do what she did. She finally told me that we were never actually friends, that we barely ever talked. She used me and it completely worked, she got what she always wanted by betraying me, she and them would talk aout me, and she had the best year of her life while trying to turn even my best friends against me, even my best friends. As if it suddenly became O.K. to turn everyone against one person, to make them believe rumors that were never true, to make them feel like they had no one. She was the ultimate Mr. Potter.

Sometimes I hate people.

I am listening to Cranberries, No Need to Argue, which is my favorite, it is so perfect with what I think the them of this blogg is, which is giving up or dying inside. Giving up, if it is your own life you throw out or your friends, either way you have to ask yourself, why you do it... and if that is good enough.