Are YOU happy?

I can't help thinking how absurdly worthless I am. What am I doing? What am I worth? I am a little bitch. If I wasn't such a pussy shit, I would annihilate my throat with some sort of computer cord. The problem is there is nothing after death. Nothing. No satisfaction, knowing that I did what would release me from my "insanity". I want nothing more, to be released. Just leave, never come back. Let me go, knowing that I have been successfully too much for you to handle, for anyone to handle. I am too scared to be by myself. I am so worthless, it is ridiculous. If I had created anything of worth I would die of shock and that would be good enough for anyone. I don't want a funeral, I don't want anything. If I had sort of means I would run. I would run away, at least that is the easiest sort of death. Kind of like the wind sweeping up the urban trash. It is kind of beautiful actually. Someone passing cringes at the crumpled buts of newspaper that once held so much possibility and entertainment the morning before. There are so many ways to commit suicide. Bleeding, drowning, suffocation, electrocution, firearms, vehicular impact, poisoning, jumping, drug overdose, pesticide overdose, carbon oxide poisoning, explosion, and let us not forget starvation and dehydration, which is one of my favorites. I want my whining to stop somehow, but for now I don't have the energy to think about it at all. Abandonment for now is all I can think about. As long as you are happy that is all that matters.