Noisy Boys and Panties.

I love nappy Roots they make my life better. I just come in throw my bag down on the bed, take off my pants and turn on da rooottttssss. aww much better. I have problems making up my mind, always. Mostly with relationships and I dont mean just boys. But in this case... its the noisy boys. Rinaldo* is coming back soon maybe even back and we were so good together that I cant let go of him. I messed things up from being so jealous and lame but I just cant LET GO of the memories mostly, as tragic as that sounds. I even had to delete his number so I wouldnt call him or txt him...thats when you know your insane. :( Iam so tragic and passionate its ridiculous...LAAAMMMEEE.

Now finally Iam in a relationship were I feel secure but trapped. We are the same person and we are just perfectly smushed together like delicious tiramisu and whipped cream, naturally together. But i dont want that, at least I dont think I do. mean come onnnn i have come such a long way, sticking to one guy, being lyal, not completely insane, and open. Like I actually tell him straight up whats on my mind. Which should be one part of a relationship, being comfortable enough to do that shit. But the second part is hurtful, to him. I want more. More conflict, more ridiculousness, I wanted best friends before and after, not just a BOYYYFFRRIIENNDDD. In fact I dont even know that I want a boyfriend. I have way more fun with Gerlinde and Claudine...minus sex obviously, but at the smae time I dont want to hurt HIM.

Different days different feelings about what I want. ha.

I want something untill I have it. I have always been that person when it comes to guys. Gerlinde can def back me up on that one. especially if i want him, then he gives in then I reject him then I will go after him again to see how many times he will come back. Not completely consiously, I just want him again but when I look back at it, its because its a challenge. A lame way to live life.

I had work today and i got let GO early! whoo. since I worked 14 hours yesterday, it was bliss.

People are pretty uptight and intense. Even the most laid back, chillest peeps get their panties in a hell of a twist. Its just a theory but ifI didnt care who Iwas with, I f I in fact was notwith someone specifiacally then I dont think life would be as intense, and it sjust another theory but if I fell that way maybe I should get out? How do you know when you should get out?